Thursday, April 17, 2014

dVerse: Topiary

dVerse: Self Portrait




Topiary ~ Collage Art by grace2244


this was me a few years ago
when i was healing
now it's me again
falling apart
trying not to
trying to find strength
when parts want to die
 my circle of life

i know i'm feminine
and love pink
but my head is still a blur
and i'm entwined in
all the evil of my past
me trying to turn weeds
into beautiful thriving flowers

i cut the pink dress
to put into this conglomeration
because
that's how i knew it was me

wanting to grow out of the past
wanting to embrace the future
wondering how i will do that
when unseen vines
keep pulling me down

 

23 comments:

  1. i do hope you will manage to embrace the future and that those weeds of the past turn into the most beautiful flowers...smiles

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  2. the further from it we often feel---as you were around the holidays--the more likely it will sneak up on us like that...the little vines that still cling...dont discount how far you have come...and keep traveling...smiles.

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  3. ...sometimes we have to let go of the previous life...easier said than done..it's not good for your physical health, first. I think self talk is important...stop, think, identify or pinpoint the pain and instead of letting it take you down, do something different, respond by trying not to fall into a depression consciously...again...very hard to do when you've spent a lifetime experiencing all you have and I don't even know you.

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    1. First of all, Katy, know how much I appreciate your reading my writings and commenting. It's been difficult for me to read and/or focus for so long now. I have what is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Trauma memories from childhood were immediately detoured to amnesia by my mind before age 6. I started remembering at age 44. I healed a LOT. But now another round of crap. It's when new stuff leaks out of the amnesia. It can't be stopped. I just have to live with it. Try to anyway. It wears me down. If only I could just make it stop.

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  4. wishing you the most beautiful of flowers and that the vines that pull you down meet with some virtual roundup! Heartfelt write.

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  5. This was so heart wrenching for me. I do hope the bits you want whole are so soon. Beautifully written and engaging.

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  6. Sad that those vines are pulling you down.

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  7. Surely this is a site well worth seeing.

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  8. I don't know your story, but I do know that we are always stronger than we believe, and that forgiveness and forgiving are possible. thanks for sharing your lovely, sad words.

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  9. thank God we are neither mind nor flesh...so nothing can pull us down...the beautiful conscious self is omnipotent and will def weed out the vines and bloom flowers.....
    thanks for sharing this wonderful post....

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  10. discovering ourselves is a journey... one that never seems to end... so nice we have loved ones to help us

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  11. Strongly written piece Maggie...the pain in your words is evident in this segment of your journey. I hope you find your footing...peace to you...

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  12. We encounter many healing patches on the path, my friend........I love that Brian reminds you to remember how far you have traveled.........spring is often a time for strategic pruning. Maybe some of those vines can be cut free.

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    1. Oh Sherry, so synchronous you wrote this. I had this burst of energy/need to prune my garden today. I know it's been needing it but just haven't been able to move. Today the will was stronger and cut those vines back so pretty blooms will grow ♥

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  13. Weeds are good to. Often better that cultivated plants.
    Such a pity that there is no method for switching off the video in one's head. Or is there?

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    1. My video comes from never before released amnesia. I have coping skills so it's not so overwhelming and a support system. With amnesia, no turning it off, unfortunately.

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  14. a strong and fierce self portrait - can feel your will to thrive in that garden of beauty - K

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  15. a strong element of truth in words this is ..the essence is always challenge..to spark and ignite life..no matter malady..the WILL..i think..is the greatest gift..even over hope..when hope fails..strangled by vines of wrath in otherwise wined vines...for grapes instead of wrath of circumstance...so tHere is the next moment..

    And alway potentially change..wherever one is..i truly WILL even..when there is no hope..feeling alive...

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  16. Very, very brave to give voice to this... can't be easy.
    I used to have one regular caller on the helpline I was volunteering for who had a similar problem... And it was tough. There would be some easier days, some really difficult ones. The difference is that you have your poetry to express those feelings, she only had tears and harmful thoughts.
    Wishing you the best of strength and courage and healing.

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    1. Marina, my therapist is pretty amazing. When I told her I came so close to calling the hotline the night before, she told me she takes calls no matter the time so I'm to just reach out to her without hesitation. Very reassuring. Hotline would be second. It was so late at night. I wouldn't have called a friend. I did wake husband up tho he falls asleep again right away. lol. I was able to tell him and felt better. Thanks for your support and understanding ♥

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  17. So many weeds in all of our pasts...but what a wonderful goal - to turn them into a beautiful bouquet

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  18. I have so missed reading your poetry and hope you are all well. Hope you find the right thing to prune.. and keep a flowering topiary of strength to take you into the future... :-)

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